I'm going to talk seriously to all of you for a moment. Just for a moment. Please don't think this is me asking for sympathy or pity, this isn't. But after watching several friends lately, and well.. over the years as well.. I want to share this. It's not upbeat, but sometimes we need a moment of seriousness to acknowledge the not so great things in our lives.

Many don't know that I am actively suicidal. There is a sadness and a despair that I cannot shake no matter how hard I try. No matter how good I am, it is not enough. No matter how hard I try. It is not enough. At one point I was hospitalized because I attempted suicide. I have also nearly succeeded before and managed to lie my way out of it so that to this day the people involved think that I was just 'sick', because I didn't want them to worry. I did not tell anyone the number of times that the police have come to my house to make sure I'm still alive thanks to a friend observing a change in my behavior and calling, or the time I got escorted to the hospital BY the police because they found me in a state of.. not goodness. And I lied and convinced everyone that I just 'went while you were at work, it's fine', or "I don't know why but my chest is hurting' and got the doctors looking at that instead of what really happened. I do not need consolation or someone to give me a reason to live, I have them and I appreciate them. But there are times when the sadness is overwhelming, when the hopelessness gets to be too much. There are times when *people* are too much. I have Zeus because I can't bear to go out around more then two people without feeling this overwhelming urge to run in fear for my life, to hide, to end it and stop it all. This is why I have a service dog. It's not to help others, it's purely to give me a grasp on reality and an obligation NOT to do something drastic. Because I can't reach out and say "I am in danger of my life".

In my mind, there is no way to say "I logically know that if I am left alone right now I will do harm to myself" without people thinking you're seeking attention. I had always been told that anyone who's trying to harm themselves is just attention hungry and not worth the time. And so I have a dog, and he prevents me from doing harm to myself without me having the embarassment of reaching out to say "I cannot control myself right now, I'm scared and the emotions are too much for me."  I am trying to be more open about talking about it, but it's hard because I feel the more you talk about it, the more fake it seems and the less likely you will get REAL help and be taken seriously when you really need it. It's not a one time thing for me, it will happen again in the future, I don't know when and I can't control it always. I don't want to be written off because that is the day that I will not be able to stop myself because people thinking I want attention when I just *hurt* so much will only make it hurt more. I'm scared to ask for help when I need it. But I make do and I get by, and I find ways to remind myself that things are really truly better then that sad core thinks it is.

Life is hard. Life as an artist can feel harder then most. You paint and you do your work and you are judged by *how good you are at baring your soul*. How technically correct you are at emoting visually. Sometimes being an artist means you put everything on the line. Your self worth is often tied up in how well you do, if someone likes what you do. There is the pressure of accepting criticism with grace and good humor, no matter how rudely it is phrased. There is the pressure of trying to improve and hitting walls. of trying to make ends meet and nothing really works. You struggle on the same drawing over and over and it just doesn't go right and the way you want to and that hopelessness starts coming in. You send to a convention and the pieces you felt great about just don't sell. Not even a single bid, and you start doubting yourself. Art is a delicate process. The more you doubt yourself, the more you will start making those doubts come true. Artist block will take hold and will start confirming your worst fears. It's not easy to get through things like this, it's not easy to break the cycle of self doubt and depression, fears of not being good enough, of not ever succeeding. Sometimes you need to think outside of the box. Sometimes you need to break the chain in weird ways, to get yourself away from that loop.

Sometimes your self worth as a person gets tied up in your art. Or your work, or whatever you are doing in life. Or your weight, your appearance, your height, your freckles and flaws. Sometimes you become so focused on all your failures that you fall into a pit and can't get out of it. And the sad thing is, once you get into that pit once? It's easier to fall into it again later. And every time you fall into the pit, it gets easier.

I am asking, as a friend, as someone who cares about the people I talk to *even if it's just someone I talk to in passing*. Please break this cycle in yourselves. If you are feeling down about something, become aware of it. Don't hide it, don't let it build and become worse. If your art is bringing you down, find other artists and talk about it, don't hide it. Don't cover it by saying to everyone "I'm just a bad" so that they compliment you instead of bashing you. Be up front about it, talk about it, try to see things clear before it becomes too bad. You are unique, you are amazing even if you don't see it. Someone, somewhere, thinks of you. You may not know it, but they do. You may not be as good an artist as Brom, you may not be as fast a runner as your best friend, whatever it is that has you down, but you still have a special something inside of you that makes you worthwhile. If you can't find it, it's time to talk to your friends and let them help you find it.

While I wait for my computer to decide to recognize my scanner, I thought I'd let you guys know about two tumblr accounts.

The first one is The Mushroom Peddler account! That's right, a tumblr account to follow the dolls and see what all we're doing with them! I would LOVE it if you could spread the word about this account and get it stretched out everywhere! There will be a lot of photos of wigs at the moment, we want to get our wig designs out there so everyone can see the crazy Sarah and I do when we're hanging out together! Also I'll be taking candid photos of things in progress, and little behind the scenes glimpses of life with the Mushroom Peddler!

Mushroom Peddler Tumblr:  [link]

The second is my personal tumblr. I post sketches on occassion, sometimes reblog pretty things, and sometimes just babble. There's some world of warcraft talk on there so be warned about that. But for those who want to keep watch, I'm over there:

[link]

Thanks guys! Now back to figuring my scanner out!

THERE ARE QUESTIONS MIXED INTO THIS MESS OF TEXT SO PLEASE READ IT ALL AND GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE PLEASE.

OH GOD Okay so I made it past Dragoncon Jury (still pending space assignments to make sure they  have room but it's usually not a problem at this point). SO

Here's the deal

I will be finishing ALL the sketch commissions tonight and tomorrow. I'll post them all up at once, because I can. Then I'll pick the final one to do a painting of.  Edit: Sketches done, but have to unpack the scanner since my phone is now BROKEN. Also anyone trying to text me and not getting a reply? My phone is broke. So sketches will be posted soon as I can find my scanner.

I'm also doing a revisit of 'Strife" this week.

I will also be *posting up finished, stretched, embellished canvas prints for you guys to get first pick of*. This is important. This will tell me what kind of things the general public likes, and what ones you guys would WANT to buy when you are at a convention. So if you can't afford it, please at least tell me if the piece would be something you would buy if you are at a convention and had saved money for such a thing. If you want to buy it, please do! The money from this will go towards my display for dragoncon this year (I want to make it amazing).

I also have my artist's proofs of the Ocean picture and discovered that hte colors are really different from the original. It's still pretty but not the original. So my delimma is, do I do two print runs, one of the recolor and one of the original, or just stick with one and sell the derp recolor as an artist proof? I like being upfront about my print runs so people purchasing my art know what they are getting from the start and don't feel screwed over later. So I need to make this decision now and I'm not sure what i want to do! *spasms all over the place*

GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS

Also give me what your FAVORITE piece of mine is that you would kill to see at dragoncon. Yes pls.

Hey guys. Sorry I went so quiet suddenly. Sarah and I had two days to finish getting things prepped for Idex so I got locked up in wig making.

That said.. .sketch commissions are now rolling out!

The first one was Dragondoodle:
[link]

Windyautumnmoon:
[link]

Pearwood
[link]

TheCultClassic:
[link]

Gabe from facebook:
[link]

Everyone who's paid up and ready are on this list, I'll be posting them in my main gallery as I do them. My question for you is.. when they're all done should I let you guys vote on the one to do full painting of?



C.M. from facebook
corruptflame
Hing Kei
Flufdrax
Dargirl (28th)
skiesofchaos
LauraNeocleous
Sue-Bee
Aganaer
Suli
Nehemet
Lonewylfe

So I have to say, that deviantheart thing cracked me the hell up. You know me, I HAD to see how far they would take this april fool's joke, so I wandered through it... and the artist they directed me to was kind of fantastic.

So swing by 's gallery and take a peek around.

Got some updates, so I'll break them up here for easy reading:

Conventions
I will be at nerdcon in utah tomorrow. Tiny one day con, if you're going feel free to flail at me.

Sarah will be at Idex in April. It's a major doll convention and she'll have all our wigs, her dolls, the accessories, everything there!

Leprecon will have both our art at it, I am not sure about other conventions YET. If you are attending a convention and want to see our art, please tell me!

Sketch craze
Is now closed! I am taking the instructions with me to the convention tomorrow and will start sketching. You should see pieces being uploaded saturday, and then every day until I have them all done. I will pick the one I want to do in a full painting once I finish them all!

Personal Art
I will be finishing my rendition of the ocean sometime over the next few days. I'm not sure when I'l lhave time for personal art with all the work, but once I do I will make the first ten canvas prints available here. The rest of the limited edition run will be reserved for conventions.

Commissions
I announced this in the past, but I will no longer be accepting commissions. I have one left to finish, Marion's, and then I will have caught up with all of my work. I found that I got completely backlogged when I would accept them and just genuinely unhappy with my work. So I am doing what I want to do. The sketch craze is me testing out a new idea of ways to offer my work to others, while still giving myself flexibility to do what makes me happy. I will see how it goes, if I like it, I will do it agian. If I don't, I won't! But regular commissions will no longer be accepted.

Why have I woken up this morning to 56+ people having added me? I poked around but I can't find a rhyme or a reason to the sudden, random influx. I am baffled. I'm just an idiot with the memory and attention span of a gnat on crack <3

Also Sketches are closing at midnight tonight! GET THEM IN NOW IF YOU WANT THEM IN!

I finished THE PEACH TREE, and am actually rather pleased with how it turned out. So now my focus will go towards Marion's drawing and the sketches. Be excited guys, I know I am. Bear in mind I"m approaching them as if each piece WILL be the chosen final painting. So I will be taking care with composition, style, etc far more then I normally do with sketches.

<3<3 the list of who all's paid up for one is on the last journal. I'll update here at the end of the day.

Hey everyone! Sketches close tomorrow! So if you want to get your order in, this is the last chance for you to get them in!

For those that don't know what's up, I'm offering sketch commissions for $10. This is the one and only chance you get for it, because I wanted to try out some of the ideas that others have for paintings, see if it gets my creative juices flowing.

For full details, check this journal out:  [link]



The list of people who are set up for sketches is here:
Pearwood
Thecultclassic
Windyautumnmoon
C.M. from facebook
corruptflame
Gabe from facebook
Hing Kei
Flufdrax
Dargirl (28th)
skiesofchaos
LauraNeocleous
Dragondoodle (who wants.. a dragondoodle *grin* )
Sue-Bee
Aganaer
Suli
Nehemet
Lonewylfe

I recently had a colleague's daughter, and a friend of my own in her own right, set up to be an intern for me and Sarah in our businesses. It's been rough going in the sense that she's coming in about the time when Sarah and I are running around like chickens with their heads cut off, flailing about trying to do too many things at once. BUT, one of the wonderful things about having her around is that she asks questions I never think to ... well... think about.

She's like a breath of light and fresh air, and I always end up thinking for a few hours after she leaves. I find myself looking forwards to her company as much for the things she'll bring up and wonder about, as I do for the fun of working with a friend.

One of the things that's come up a few times, is shortcuts. The quick, easy ways of making a painting or a product look complete and complicated without investing too much time into it to make you have to price the piece out of the average market.

We were working on some little accessories for the doll's wigs (those will be put up over the next few days, I can't wait to show you all), and I had stopped her and said that we can shortcut THIS part of making it, but we can't shortcut another part. I don't remember her exact words, but it was something to the point of ... I thought it was about finding all the shortcuts and using them? I had to think about that for a while and I realized that there is a time and a place for any shortcut. A time when you can use a cheaper substitute and have the item be just as good (and thus worth the price the average buyer will pay for), and times when you need to go all out and use the finest materials and techniques you can get your hands on.

Do you guys find yourself using shortcuts in your work? Or taking a technique that is easy and fast purely for the effect of filling space? It's one of the reasons why I started watercoloring, because I needed a fast, effective and lovely to look at technique to fill my backgrounds. Eventually I grew from there, but my original purpose was literally "How to cover as much space as possible in as little time as possible while still having it look like it took a ton of time to do."

Do you have limits on how much of a shortcut you will take? I watched a friend make some doll shoes, and she was using pieces of cardboard she's just found as the sole. Meanwhile I refused to use that, but STILL used a cheaper material in the form of craft foam because I felt it mimicked the sole of a shoe really well while not pricing the item out of what the average doll customer would expect to pay for one.

Does it feel like it cheapens the work, or do you feel it is still good and quality despite the fact that the finest materials weren't used? Would you be comfortable buying something like that, a piece of art that is affordable because of a technique used, or would you prefer the finest of everything have been used, and pay as much for it?

Tell me what you think about shortcuts and cheaper substitutions.

Okay just making a list here. If you don't see your name on this list, then something's gotten lost in the mix. Just send me a note and we can make sure you're all taken care of! These are the sketches so far:

Pearwood
Thecultclassic
Windyautumnmoon
C.M. from facebook
corruptflame
Gabe from facebook
Hing Kei
Flufdrax
Dargirl (28th)
skiesofchaos
LauraNeocleous
Dragondoodle (who wants.. a dragondoodle *grin* )
Sue-Bee
Aganaer

Remember I am only accepting these from now till Tues the 26th! So if you don't get yours in before then, well... that will be it.

If you have no clue what's going on, here's a link to the journal about it!  [link]

Go, read, enjoy, and get ready for the fun stuff coming up!

Hi guys!

Well. I have a problem with thinking outside of the box. My problem is that a lot of my ideas rotate around the same themes and thoughts. Now I am more then willing to do the pieces I want to, but when putting together my submissions for dragoncon I realized that a LOT of my new work is just rehashing of old themes. I need to expand my body of work but I need to do it by not being... me, while still being me. I swear that makes sense.

I could go to my friends and just brainstorm, but I realized that if I am going to do this, I might as well make this an opportunity for those of you who didn't get a chance to commission me when I was accepting commission (I am still not accepting them, this is slightly different).

Here's the deal.

For $10, you give me your idea of what you want drawn. I will turn around and do a sketch of it. It might be super detailed, it might be kind of crude and rough, but it will be my interpretation of your ideas/concepts/etc. It will be done on 8.5 by 11 paper and you will get a digital copy of the sketch. If you would like the original, I can ship it for $6 (sorry the post office screws us all ; ; ), and will be more then happy to.

Now here's the twist.

I am only be accepting these for 2 weeks. From now until Tues the 26th you can get your payment and idea in to me. After that I will not be accepting any more. Why? Because I will be choosing the concept and sketch that I like the most and doing a FULL ON painting. Large painting, full color, everything, from those sketches. Whoever's idea it is that I go with, will get a hand embellished, limited edition canvas print of the painting, the first of the edition, shipped to them as thanks, no extra charge!

Copyright Info
As always I do not draw trademarked/copywritten characters.

Since I am doing a full painting of the piece I pick, with the intentions of doing prints of it, I would ask that you avoid anything that you would feel uncomfortable with me selling prints of. That means if it's your character in your published novel, make sure you're willing to give me license for the prints!

How do you send me this stuff?

I accept paypal! My paypal information is vestaka@gmail.com   Please include your deviantart name (so I can properly link you on my da page), and then your idea. If you want to go on at length, you can also send me a note on deviantart with a list of your ideas!

How long till I get my art?

I will start them all once the two weeks are up (I have to finish my last two commissions before I start them). They will go up at *least* once a day, though knowing me there will be multiple pieces a day, and keep going till they are all done. THEN I will start on the final piece. So we won't know how gets the final one until they are all up and done!


So basically long story short, I need to do a bunch of sketches to come up with a new piece and rather then do my own stuff and not offer the sketches to the public, I'm offering not only for you to be able to buy them at way less then I normally charge for sketches, but also to have it be a subject of your choosing with the possibility of a full painting at the end!

I don't necessarily mean as an artist either, I'm talking for those of us who are trying to make it in the business of art, for those of us trying to make a living with what we love.

As always, these are just my thoughts and opinions. You guys are totally welcome to agree, disagree, contradict, debate, expound upon, anything you feel like! I am just babbling here. But before I babble, I would like you to watch two videos.

[link]

and

[link]

Now before you all kill me for this, yes, these are P!nk music videos. Yes I love her music. But watch them. I want you to keep in mind that these are sung live, without her voice prerecorded. Even if you aren't a fan of her music, there is something compelling about *watching* her actually do this, actually perform acrobatics WHILE singing. Actually sing upsidown. Actually pull this off.

I watched a video of her being interviewed when she began doing her "Glitter in the air" performances at her live shows, and she said something that struck me. "You always see people doing acrobatics behind the singer, but have you ever seen someone do it while singing? That's cool. I want to do that." Now that's not an exact quote (because I don't remember word for word what she said and it's been a while). However it really struck me because that was the picture of a woman thinking outside of the box. Somewhere she wanted to take her style of music and her performances and be *unique* and different. And this is what came of it.

I've noticed a trend among my peers that is most distressing. The words 'the economy is bad' have come up so many times it's painful. I sat on a panel about business and actually heard my fellow artists... dissuading people from becoming artists full time. I heard them telling people not to follow their dreams. That it's TOO hard, that it's impossible. That you can attain it for a short while but after that, it falls apart. When talking with friends and colleagues, they sound so downtrodden and heartbroken that I feel helpless in the face of this.. despair.

So I'm saying to my friends and colleagues, and to anyone who I don't know but might stumble on this. It's time to think outside of the box. In our business, in our art and in our lives. If we want to persue our dreams, if we want to make a living doing what is essentially a luxury, we need to throw out the old model of business. We need to stop treading the same paths we all have over and over in hopes that we'll be the next amy brown or brom. We need to find our own path and we need to blaze it with fire and passion and total love of what we are doing. We need to leave a mark on our own lives where we can look back and see that we didn't just tag a wall, we REBUILT the wall so it spells out I WAS HERE in brick and stone and everything that our lives are made of.

The problem is that too many people think that taking this route means that you have to give up everything. Thinking outside of the box doesn't mean we give up what we love. It doesn't even mean that we say "Well I love painting fantasy art, but it's too cliche and if I want to think outside of the box and leave a mark on the world I need to give it up and do ENTIRELY what no one has done before". If we do that, we'll spend the rest of our lives frantically struggling to find something that no one's done before, rather then focusing on what we love and loving what we do.

For me, thinking outside of the box as an artist means stopping following in others footsteps, and taking stock of who I am. It's incorporating all of the little things that make me an individual, all of the little things that create Jessica Douglas, and then poking them out in the ways that I love most. It's trying the unexpected and going MAN that would be so cool... and DOING it!. If someone says to me "You can't do that" or, "That's not how the professionals told me it has to be done", then chances are? I'm probably doing it right. And if I somehow fail spectacularly? Well there's a reason why I say Spectacularly. It was damn fun to do!

So this is a plea. To my friends. To my colleagues. To those who I haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet but who's art has touched the world already, even if in the smallest of ways. Don't give up. We've only explored art inside of the boxes we know. There's an entire FORT of boxes to explore, and even more outside of those. An infinite land of possibilities in all aspects of our lives. Take advantage and grow.

But please don't give up anymore.

Hey guys. So in this exploring art series I've talked about how to price your artwork, and how to value your artwork. But did you know that YOU are an intrinsic part of your art's value?  Everything you are, everything you do, and everything you have experienced in your life is key to the art that you make. You need to recognize that and take care of it! You are important, even if it doesn't feel like it.

One of the things I noticed about artists is that we all, for the most part, seem to suffer from a deplorable lack of self esteem and self confidence and sometimes even depression. I've watched some of the most incredible painters of our time go into fits of doubt and rage, and destroy paintings they were working on because they simply weren't 'good enough'. I've watched budding artists go into a soul crushing spiral of doubt, to the point that they stopped drawing, gave up because they simply couldn't match the glory of their vision with the skill in their hands. And let's not forget the artists who bought into the hype that you aren't an artist if you don't have a totally unique vision, and you shouldn't do art if you can't do something new and original. Too many artists who enjoy simple expressions of beauty in the painting of a flower, or a fairy, or what not, have curled up and turned to a retail job rather then continue their art because it wasn't 'real art'.

There is something you need to imbed in your mind. You need to embrace and accept 100%, and never, ever forget. Only you can say what is your expression of you. Only you can say what is 'art' when it comes from your hands. There are men who make a fortune off of *stacking garbage cans* and saying 'this is art'. Andy Warhol did an entire bloody generation of can art and flat colors to express his disgust in the commercialism of art... and he is an artist. Georges Seurat said SCREW YOU IMPRESSIONISM I LIKE DOTS and proceeded to paint in dots because he *wanted* to. The term we use for his technique, pointillism, was even a mocking insult to the artist before it was embraced as an actual art style, yet he continued in his style. Could you imagine all of the works in our art museums that we would not have and enjoy if these artists gave up? If they didn't say "You know what, some critic can't dictate what I do with my creativity. I'm going to keep going anyway." To follow the question Doctor Who presented.. what wonders of art would we have gotten if Van Gogh had been able to continue on in his life? If he had help for the unbearable sadness he suffered from?

You never know what your art will become once it leaves your hands, and it is not your job to. Art is a newborn child, a wild creature that you give to the world and pray and hope it does a little good before it's time, too, passes. Don't spend too much time worrying about if your art is a success. Your time is better devoted to learning your trade, learning new skills, and more importantly exploring who you are as a person and what you TRULY want to express when you paint. Then do it.

So. If you are one of us who suffers from crippling depression and self doubt, I would urge many things. One of them is to build a support group crafted for you and only you. One of the best things about deviantart is that when you post your artwork, you are posting it to an objective audience. These people don't know you. And if someone comments on your art and loves what you do? Keep them. Thank them, appreciate and really take to heart that a perfect stranger has said... you spoke to me. YOU did something good.

Your fellow artists are not your competitors. We are your colleagues, your friends, and the only ones who can feel just as you do when you doubt yourself and your art. We are the only ones who completely and whole heartedly KNOW what you feel when you paint and just how much of a struggle it is to be an artist. Find these artists and befriend them, they are kindred souls. Talk to them, and build a support system out of like minds. My friends who I've met through various online art galleries have been the strongest support system I have ever had. People like and , , and let's not forget my beloved and have saved me in ways I can't explain and will be forever grateful to them for. They've also looked at my art and helped me when I've struggled, helped me in fixing the things I feel are wrong but can't find an objective viewpoint in myself to correct it. They've helped me by talking about our business, and just raging when something stupid happens. But the point is, they were THERE for me, and if you choose your friends wisely, they will be there for you too.

Above all else. Take care of yourself. Eat right, if you are sick, do what you can to take care of yourself medically. If things are bad, talk it out, there is always help out there somewhere. If you just need a friend, well reach out to people, make friends, build that support system, it will carry you through the bad times. And always, always remember that no matter where you are in your skill level, no matter how old you are when you decide to be an artist, and no matter *how good everyone else is* compared to you.. they aren't you. We mock the special snowflake, but the fact is... everyone IS unique and different. Everyone has some expression within them that is unique to them and them alone. Don't forget it, don't loose sight of the fact that you have value, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

Hello my darling, darling friends. So a few people have asked me. Jessica, what are you up to artistically these days, now that you are moved and living full time off of art.

Well let me just give you a bit of a hint.

First off I have joined up with to do some creative things involving mostly dolls, but also working together so that her paintings don't get left in the dust by her dolls. I'll be handling sending her artwork out with mine and we're making a *badass* banner to hang over our panels that you guys will love. Most of what's coming out of those creative endeavors is top secret, hush hush until Sarah comes back from her cruise. So just stay tuned for our big announcements!

Secondly, I am now finished with the peach tree painting. I just need to get a decent photograph of it and we'll be golden.

But here's the big news. My next two paintings will not be 'new' painting perse, but visiting older concepts that I feel I fell flat on. The first is revisiting "Strife" from the four horsemen of the apocalypse series. I have always felt that I missed the mark with that one, something just wasn't quite right and it didn't hold the depth of emotion the other three held. Thanks to some serious discussions with very amazing people, I will be revising my art and making it into something truly deep and worthy of being part of that series. The help I could use here is any imagery that you think of when you think of strife and conflict in a culture. Such as some people have suggested gas masks, and rioters, etc. I have a rough idea of what I want to do, but I want to refine it just a bit with modern imagery.

My second painting is revisiting the "Sunrise" series. I had originally done this painting with the intention of doing a series. Sunset, moon, ocean, etc, etc. But I never got around to it because when I attempted the Ocean it just fell flat. Now that I am working with Sarah constantly, my muse is alive, wild, and insane and so I just wanted to make these happen.

I really hope that you love what's coming. I know it's not 'new' but I promise that the paintings won't just be repeats of what's happened in the past. They will be new and amazing and wonderful to look at! And so you all know what I"m talking about, here are links to the paintings in question!

Strife:  

Ocean:

The Sunrise:

Welp apparently I am going to start sorting my journals by subject matter so that you guys can find information easily if you need it. So... I'll be starting all my journals with what it is (such as 'exploring art' or 'convention wrap up' or 'personal babble' etc), then more detail about exactly what the journal holds.

Look. I'm a tiny bit ocd okay. Just enjoy the organization.

Anyway, so this is about LTUE, the convention in Provo Utah that I recently attended. The convention goes for three days, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Traditionally this has been a symposium for professionals in the sci fi and fantasy industry to meet the students of BYU and give them lectures and presentations on how to succeed in our business. However this year they have broken from tradition and moved out of the university and over to a hotel/convention center. This opened things up for more business to be conducted with fans, as well as the schooling to happen, turning LTUE into a more traditional convention.

My participation in the convention was somewhat last minute, and so I didn't have anything together or sorted at all. Luckily everyone seemed to be very patient with the fact that I was just flopped at a table and spazing about randomly during the con. The con head was nice enough to get me set up with a last minute table out in the hall where I could socialize and work and just chatter at people, so that was fun! Sarah couldn't make it with me, but I think I did a pretty good job representing the company and spreading the word about our shear AWESOMENESS!

Day one of the convention involved me settling in and hanging out. For the most part I was more worried about zeus then I was anything else, but I did have a few panels and got to hang with some friends I haven't seen in a while, such as Howard Taylor who does the ever hilarious schlock mercenary and Brian Hailes who does the most amazing figurative work I have ever, ever seen. Paul Genesse was there, another person who I never get to see enough of, and is a wonderful author, and so on and so forth. Basically there were a ton of people who I missed more then I realized, and who always get my brain kicking into high gear.

The panels I did were enjoyable, I have to say that I am impressed by how alert and just... intelligent the con goers were. There was always a question asked, and it was usually really well thought out and information that they genuinely wanted to know. I don't think I ever had a dull moment where people stared blankly at me like 'but you're here to entertain me'. I am! But at the same time I'm almost a resource for information, USE ME WHILE YOU HAVE ME.

Day two was much of the same, running about crazily, Amie and I carpooled and that was hilarious since she texted me that she was on her way to pick me up... and I woke up about five minutes later and went OH GOD *run to get dressed*. More amazing people, and I got to sit down and ask people what they thought of the new way of matting that Sarah and I are doing. Based on the input I got there, we'll be making very SLIGHT changes to our matting/mounting but it's things that will improve the quality overall and will be very enjoyable for everyone who purchases from us!

Day three was the last day of the con and we wound down with more panels. I wish I could remember the names of all the people I shared a panel with the last day, the only one I can remember is Theresa Mather and one of the Keele gentlemen, which is a pity since the other panelist was AMAZING and I rather want to get in contact with him sometime just to chitchat about art. BUT All in all it was a fantastic day and I left the convention feeling the urge to rev up and wow you guys with what's coming.

Sarah and I had a huge business meeting after the convention. One where we made many many many decisions and put the wheels in motion for some big things coming up. BIG things. I think you guys are going to be awestruck with what she and I do when we team up. It's like putting two awesome pieces of jewelry together and getting one amazing thing that is amazing and stuff.. BY OUR POWERS COMBINED WE ARE CAPTAIN-wait a second. Anyway, big things are coming but one big thing I will announce right now is this:

As many of you know, the Apocalypse Angel series is one of my most popular and best selling series ever. Except I have been unsatisfied and unhappy with the 'Strife" part of that set for years and years. Literally since I finished painting it. After hours of debate with close friends about religion, politics, and philosophy I will be redoing strife, and what I am doing will completely change that piece into something incredible. That is my top goal for my personal art this month, so keep your eyes peeled. Remember I said all of my art will have meaning, depth, something beyond 'lawl pretty girl with boobs'. It's coming guys.

I hope you all fastened your seatbelts. This is gonna be a wild ride.

Hey guys. Sarah and I are going to be applying to the dragoncon art show when it opens for jury this year, IF (big if) we get in, we are looking for an agent to take care of our art while we're there.

What this means is that you would receive a box in the mail full of our art. It will have all of our paperwork, instructions on what to do, and our artwork along with a hanging plan. You would go to the convention a little early in order to hang our work in the art show. Once it's hung, you can ignore it for the rest of the con until the very last day. Then you take the unsold work down, check us out, and mail our box back to us.

There is no cost to you, we cover all of the mailing fees. You would also get a free limited edition/matted/hand embellished print of my artwork as thank you for doing this for us.

This also applies to any conventions besides dragoncon! If you are attending a convention with an art show and are willing to agent, let me know! Sarah and I are on the move to start showing regularly at cons!

Hey guys! Today's exploring art journal is not thoughts really, but more.. I want to share with you all a sculptor who thinks outside of the box. He uses thousands of pieces of paper to create flexible sculptures that can be moved and shaped and changed every time you touch them! They're really fascinating to look at and I thought you all would enjoy this video that demonstrates them!

[link]


Seriously cool art!

Sometimes I wonder if the reason why I've toughed out through so much illness is because I haven't hit my peak as an artist yet. Soon as I get that one painting that is just.. the pinnacle of my career, I'll be gone. I've had to file for bankruptcy because my medical debt hit the point that I couldn't pay it back even if I devoted my entire life to giving my paycheck to the hospital. I'm sick now and getting worse, but even when I don't go to the doctor and am dangerously ill.. I still come out at the end. So I sit here and wonder 'how on earth am I still alive?' and the only conclusion I've reached is that I just haven't painted a painting that I'm satisfied with to call 'my final piece'. So that in mind.

... does this mean I'll be immortal?

There is a person who has said this to me every single time they've met me. I feel awkward and unsure whenever they say it, and sometimes I even feel angry, with no clue why. I mean it's a lovely compliment, and I should feel happy and wonderful about it, so why does that phrase bother me so?

I've been sitting here working on a top secret amazing project with Sarah, thinking about it as I poke about. Then I realized why it bothers me so.

I dislike that phrase for a few reasons. And to understand why I hate that phrase and wish no one would use it, you need to understand what I think about art and how I learned to art. Let me start with a history lesson in the life of Jess.

I have always drawn. My whole life, from the moment my dad put a crayon in my hand and ruffled my fluffy little head, I have doodled. I was extremely fortunate that my father, my mother's boyfriend, my step mother and my mother all saw that creativity and chose to nurture it rather then treat it like a hobby. When I was six years old my family scored me an interview with the director of the visual art's institute in Utah, where I somehow managed to make a big enough impact on her that she enrolled me in the school. My life through elementary school was going to school during the day, then being picked up by a bus and taken to the institute at night to do classes. I never did the growing up friendship thing because my world was art, and it's kind of a miracle that I can socialize at all considering how completely locked into schooling I was from a very early age. This pattern continued through junior high and high school. My step mother figured out how to get me out of highschool two years early, and so from 16 to 18 I went to college taking art classes and continuing to hone my craft. After all that schooling I left, and proceeded to learn from every single artist I knew. All my friends who were just amazing, I watched and absorbed everything they would teach me. I would go to Mike Dringenberg's house for hours and hours every day I could just to sit and have him teach me to use watercolors. Sarah Seiter and I would curl up together and paint for hours while watching movies, leaning over to give each other thoughts and opinions on what we were doing. Newton Ewell and I used to have drawing sessions (we need to do that again newt) at his house, where he would lean over my shoulder and point out where I was going astray in my drawings. I could go on, but you get the idea.  If I saw something I liked, I would find classes and tutorials on it and practice at it.

The key here is that what you see in my work is not the product of a person just deciding one day to draw. What you see in my art, in my galleries, is the product of 30+ years of dedication and learning. What you see is every single day of my life devoted to art in some way or another. What you see here is hours and hours and hours and hours of hard work, constant failures and the struggle to rise above them.

Do you all remember the two year gap before I posted again that I just got out of? That was me succumbing to the agony of constant failures. That was me unable to rise above it and keep going, and so it took two years to shake the heartache, brush myself off, and try again, knowing that I am not yet where I want to be in my art. But during that two years, I would find myself quietly doodling here and there, still drawing, and still crafting little things as gifts for others. I never stopped doing art, I just.. went smaller. I also never grew as an artist during that two year gap, and so I am right where I left off and have lost two years of improvement because I couldn't convince myself that I was good enough to keep going.

So why do I dislike that phrase? Because it implies that art and skill is just a magical thing that is dropped onto a person by some magical being. That there is no effort and no hard work. They wish that a fairy would sprinkle 'talent' on them and that everything will be amazing. Guess what. Art isn't talent. Art is a skill that can and is learned through hard work and education.

And if the person stating that phrase knows this? It says that they are not willing to work at the craft, which is agony to hear when they, too, are artists. It's frustrating to have them make this statement because it sounds like giving up. It's not "I want to be as good as you" or "teach me!" Oh no. It's waving a white flag and saying "I surrender, this is as good as it gets".

What I would love more then anything, would be if people would change that slightly. Give it a more progressive feel. I want to draw as good as you, I will draw as good as you. Or if you must say "I wish I could draw like you" follow it up with, "Do you have any tutorials I could look at?" Because then it tells me that it's not a pipe dream, you aren't waving that white flag. You have the chops to do what it takes, you just need a little push.

Being a natural born artist isn't that you have a talent and only you can be good at art. Being a natural born artist isn't that you spout perfect paintings like you breathe air because you are just that good. What it does mean is that you need art to be happy. That the one thing that makes you feel joy when you do it for work, is to paint, draw, doodle, do art. Some people will pick it up faster then you. It's not that they're better at it then you are, it's that they understand how they learn better and so have figured out the fastest way to get it to click in their heads. That's all. It is a technical ability, a skilled trade, and they are just grasping it faster because that is how they learn. Not because they are more of an artist then you are.

So for all things sparkely and tentacley, please stop acting like artists just poot out masterpieces, and you will never be able to do that too. You can. Just dedicate yourself to it. And you know what else? It is also okay if art is not your bliss and not something you want to put that much time into. But do find your happiness and devote your life to it. It won't be easy but it will be worth it.

... /end rant.

I'll post another exploring art journal tomorrow. But for today: Everyone's art has been shipped out. It actually went out friday but I forgot to tell you all Id id a post office run. *beams* I AM GOOD AT COMMUNICATION.

Also, if you are attending any upcoming conventions and would like to see mine or Sarah's artwork at it, please drop me a note with a link to the con website! If you are attending and would like to volunteer to agent our art there, again drop me a note. Agents will receive a free print of my work for their help, and I can tell you exactly what all you will be doing (it's not much but you will be in charge of receiving shipped art, showing up to check in and hang the art, then taking it down and sending it back to us, the costs of shipping are covered by sarah and I, of course).

Finally I am almsot done with peach tree, and it will be posted over the next few days (need to get a good quality photo of it once I finish the leaves). Then I have marion's piece to do and I will be in the clear to start on new, original art. BE AFRAID BECAUSE MY MUSE MAY OR MAY NOT BE CRAWLING OUT OF THE DEPTHS, IT'S TENTACLY ARMS FILLED WITH ART SUPPLIES.