My sun and stars

Some of you may remember that I started this painting almost a year ago, with the simple intention of practicing new body styles.

I stopped out of frustration and put it aside, and the reason was simply this... I was not comfortable with myself. I did not want to draw curve and heavy breasts, a belly however small, or thicker arms. I did not want to draw a rounded face, I did not want to draw any form of plumpness. The silly thing is, this is not a drawing of an overweight woman. If you saw her in person you would not think she was fat, or ugly, or anything like that.

But for me... it was so hard. I had to put it aside because it made me want to cry and I just felt.. so incredibly grotesque, as a person.

one of my friends took me out for hot chocolate about a week ago, and sat and talked to me. She was so sweet and so gentle and said a lot of things to me. But the big thing is.. she said I need to become my sun and stars. I need to give myself the moon.

I'm incoherant, but this piece was so important to me to finish, because it was an exercise in forgiving myself, for aging, for gaining weight, for breaking down, for not being who I was when I was twenty. And that's okay.

Done in watercolors, colored pencils and a few acrylic highlights.